It all started with a dream, 20 years ago.

So today I decided to write a journal on my journey to getting my book published. I was asked to think about how far I’ve gotten as I am being interviewed by one of the local vloggers here in Halifax.
So I figured the best way to do that is to write out where I started as to where I am now; which I might add is a LONG way from where I was.

So back in 1997 no long after my son was born, I had a moment where I realized I was more like my uncle who’d come out to me a few years prior than I’d realized. And even though he’d decided I wasn’t part of his family anymore I felt a certain sense of pride in who he was and how he decided to be himself. I’ll always be thankful to him for that, even if he has this tendency to be hateful to those who support him. Sometimes I believe those who lash out only do so because they too have difficulties accepting even themselves. I hope one day he finds peace within himself.

So my journey of self discovery began when I realized that all the relationships I’d ever been in were never about the sexual attraction, but of romantic attachment and I wasn’t just attracted to guys but gals as well. So over the years it took me a LONG time to learn I wasn’t just Bi but I was Ace as well. (Which I might add is VERY damn confusing considering I have kids!) So the long and the short of it is this. Asexual people don’t necessary abstain from intimacy. We just don’t have that same “feel” to attraction as most straight CIS folk do. Most of the time an attraction to another is mostly physical before it’s mental. For me it’s solely just the romantic attraction to one’s personality and their smarts. Physical attraction I realized at about twenty eight or so wasn’t part of who I was. Oddly enough though I had a few kids by this time.

Why? Well because to me the act of intimacy wasn’t at all part of my relationships but a means to satisfy my partner. To put myself out there for their needs. Sadly most didn’t understand that sacrifice (and this is why many of my relationships failed, because they were purely physical while I was purely mental) I seen intimacy as a duty, a past time, a sacrifice to my partner to give them joy (I mean come on now, guys do shit they hate for us all the time … right?) and even though my partners had heard my thoughts on this I didn’t understand until I was about twenty eight what it all meant. To most guys; sex was all about showing love and caring… to me it wasn’t any more important than doing dishes or cleaning the house; which I might add;  ALSO showed you cared, loved and respected someone. (something you don’t have to do, but do anyway because to me actions speak louder than words)

With this now more clear to me I became even more attached to the LGBTQ community. I’d already been part of it for quite some time and was learning more and more. Self discovery was amazing and things clicked more than they didn’t. One evening I’d been sitting down and was thinking of something to do. Being the creative type I decided to tackle a story, but not any old story. I wanted something that was fanciful, magical, true to life, coming of age, self realization with a twist of faith, queerness, and a dash of romance.

It took me a few days to decide how I was going to create my characters.  I had people I knew in my circle of friends. Throughout my life as well within the queer community and those I’d crossed paths with as a foster child in the relentless system of foster care. I decided to create characters with different traits, personalities and looks of several people I knew. Some who’d passed due to suicide as I felt those “What if’s” (They survived, how would their life had turned out?) needed to have a story. Some I knew were part of the LGBTQ community. Others I had no idea but their orientation wasn’t of my concern, I wanted the person I knew, or their looks, or their quirks, or brains as part of my characters life. So I delved into bringing those characters to life.

Aikrii was based on 3 different people I knew. One who had passed due to mental health issues but he was SO damn smart it hurt to learn that all the bullying he’d faced in Jr High and most of high school caused him to give up in the end. This person was Aikrii’s brains.
Another young man I met in Sarnia Ontario was Aikrii’s looks. Standing at about five foot six he had a very nice dark complexion and resembled the Italian heritage very strongly, oddly though he’d green eyes; which threw people off. I found him rather pretty. Aikrii also contained a bit of me. His abuse he’d faced in the story were small parts of things I myself had faced as a child. (Although not all of it)
His character comes to life at about fifteen going on sixteen and he’s already “Out” but to his family, where as in the book he’s tossed “Out” to his school and it caused a HUGE upheaval in his life.  However without it he’d have never met Mani the 2nd character I’d created.

Mani was based on a few people. NOW… I didn’t have his defined looks till much later; Just that he was a red head with purple eyes. It was when I stumbled across a vine video creator that I realized he was what I was what I’d envisioned all along. When I saw him I actually yelled. “Oh my fucking God! He looks JUST how I vision Mani! Only Mani has red hair.” I was absolutely delighted, (like seriously tickled, I giggled like a school girl!) it’d taken sixteen years for me to find Mani’s face. He was a SPIT of Thomas Sanders, except Mani has red hair and a fictional condition called Alexandria Genesis which causes him to have pale skin and purple eyes. Something my character Mani had, and his hair and eye coloring were actually based off of another person I knew and his looks were mixed to create this character. Mani’s artistic abilities although more pronounced than my own were a combination of my own and another artist I knew as a teen. Her abilities stunned me and I felt that my character needed the same ones so that ability was put into him as well. Mani’s compassion comes from a foster parent I had growing up and it’s with all of these that his character came to life.

Now people ask me all the time. “What’s your book about?” 

Well that was a difficult thing to answer as it’s not about one thing. It’s about a lot of things. Self discovery is part of it but more along the lines of growth while living in the queer community and above all ACCEPTANCE which is something I’ve always had a problem getting myself. (although I didn’t require validation, acceptance was a different matter to me) Some people find me overbearing, loud and “too happy” as I’ve been told more than once. (yes, too happy) I’m me, I’m happy with who I am even if others aren’t. I’m best in small doses. ;)

I am one who’s happily excited for a friends accomplishments. I would defend them with every ounce of UMPH I had. (yes sometimes even when I know they might be wrong) but that comes back just as strong when you’re an enemy. I’m a person who lacks tact when I speak… not something I’m proud of but it’s my main weakness and I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes I come off as a bitch. (It’s actually not intended for the most part…mines just the verbal aspect to resting bitch face LOL) Hey what can I say, ya can’t please everyone; and frankly I don’t think I wanna try either. (It’d be exhausting!)

Anyway back to my book. I decided that with my characters they needed friends. Passions, career paths, family of their own either parents/siblings or ones that they “chosen” or ones that came from personal growth. I also decided that my story needed to be told in sections so a series was settled on and for me it started off with three books. I focused the towns on Halifax NS and Ottawa Ontario. I HAD decided into book 2 to change the cities names to Curre and Kearney (A lake in Halifax, but used in regards to Ottawa) It wasn’t until I was on book five I decided to change the cities back to their intended origins.

ANYWAY, a good friend Michie (you nut bar, I love you!) told me I couldn’t end with three as we didn’t learn about the other brother (Sam) from the second book. That there were too many unanswered questions in my stories that just had to be answered. SO it grew, to five books. (on her encouragement ALONE) Four which are completed and the fifth about seven chapters away from being done.

My first two books start off with the main characters, then go to their two friends Josh and Dante. It progresses to the third book that involves the other family members and the straight CIS side of the two main characters lives, although they are still part of the series as a whole. It shows acceptance, growth, love and a splash of the mysterious and spiritual. It brings forth acknowledgment to mental health, bullying and then some. The 4th book focuses on the twin brother of Dante from the 2nd book; (Sam) and his relationship with someone in a position of authority. (Xavier) and their own life struggles with back lash on them for being part of the queer community and hate crimes. The fifth book is more for the ladies and centers around two characters briefly mentioned in Josh and Dante’s story, the owners to their build; Joane and Claire; who end up part of their family dynamics by choice. (You’ll have to read it to learn how ;) it’s quite a sweet and huge sacrifice to say the least) I have plans for other books. I believe the 6th will focus on everyone as a whole as the main outline. Their lives as they have progressed over a span of approximately fifteen years. Aikrii will be about thirty years old and Mani about thirty-two or so. The fundamental aspects to this one will be on family, how their children cope with those in their community who will bully them for having two fathers. The support they get from those around them and then some. The last one of my books will ultimately be the ending with my main characters lives closing after being followed for over twenty years and how their family grew. The trials and more they had all faced and the spiritual aspect I had spun into the first three books will be brought to the front once again. *Hint… if you’ve read them, think of the angel from book 3*

I started all of this with the notion I’d one day get published. Even if it was on line. I checked over and over again on self publishing. It was costly. VERY costly. I had started a Gofund me account with NO luck. (It has since been edited to encourage support on my 2nd book!) I had to save a LONG time once I finally put my mind to doing it. TWENTY years after I had written my 1st books outline (by hand) and 11 years after I had typed it up on the computer.

I started with a thought. Out lined it for six years. Put in points/ideas/details on characters/looks/personalities. (some characters visual looks and aspects took longer than others) Devised a plot.
Thought of a story line to follow. Gave it some romance and a spiritual yet magical touch and kept it to the queer community.
I started writing the whole thing in 2006 and it took me three weeks to finish the 1st book. (with spelling mistakes, poor grammar and all)

I continued with the 2nd book a month later. I took my time and finished the second one in 3 months. (that too with the mess the 1st was in, BUT it was much better) I posted it in Nifty. Within weeks of that I had fans writing me. Some pouring their hearts out and telling me my story struck a cord with them and thanking me for keeping it “real” and not all smut. This kind of fan mail and feed back encouraged me to write my 3rd. I was working full time by now and getting ready to move back to NS so I wasn’t on line to write as much but I did when I could. A year after my 1st book was done my 3rd was completed and even though I had spelling issues the corrections were made easier than the 1st book which I was then editing to be better than it was.

Now book four took a turn… mainly because I got sick, then I had a little one. It took me FOUR YEARS to finish that one *I had lost the SD card everything was on. (In the mean time I had also written several fan fictions when I was dealing with being ill and raising a new baby)
I did finish it though. Thankfully. NOW I’m working on Joane and Claire’s story. My BFF Clara is my main character in this book and YES she’s well aware. (I had to make my fav gal into one of my characters, and with a touch of sassy I also gave her red hair LOL) Now this book is only about seven chapters from being completed. I haven’t done much writing on it but I will be once my 1st book is re-edited.

NOW back to my 1st book. I approached a few Deviants about doing the cover for my book Sigeel (Linda Sejic) was my 2nd one on my list and I got a hold of her back in May of this year and asked her if she could help. She happily accepted and I was MORE than thrilled because I had her on my top 3 artists that I was considering (All unknowingly vying for that #1 spot on my fav list but I couldn’t decide 100% on who it was because I loved all their work.) Now I could have done the art myself. (although I’m no where near as good at the ones I’d considered to ask) but I wanted to focus on my writing.

So needless to say I was over the moon when I got the rough drafts and elated when I got the final piece. Linda had outdone herself. I wish I could have said the same for the editor I’d hired. (My friend Nancy who is NOW working on my 1st book re-editing it, she is a SAINT!) said it’s obvious the 1st person did NOT read it at all mainly due to the horrible grammar/punctuation issues throughout the book. (Now I will be the 1st to say my grammar/punctuation SUCKS. This is why I needed an editor in the 1st place) but I was happy to know there wasn’t any spelling mistakes although misplaced words or missing sections (Opps) from when I 1st edited it myself back in 2010. *ugh. So now comes the printing aspect.

I approached a friend of mine (Shaun) who is a printer. He agreed to assist me but I had to pay several of the costs in regards to this (some costs were cut on a one time deal) and I happily agreed. I’d been saving for a YEAR to do this. $140.00 CAD to pay my Artist. $100 total towards editing help and yes I’m still paying for that… and $925 to get my books printed and perfect bound. ISBN number was free. :) YEAH.

So I had my books done in about a weeks time. NOW I had to do the hard part. Sell them. (OH joy!)
I sent in two to the Library Archives of Canada in Ottawa. (This is required to prove copyright, and for legal deposit on written works you sell.) and then I took that risk of sending one to Nimbus a publishing company here in Halifax. (I shook when I did this… fear of the rejection letter is something I had to over come when it came to doing this.) I also submitted my works to four other major publishers. I sent it to Amazon/Kindle as well (and it got accepted even in it’s unpolished form) I then decided to reach out to local shops. Venus envy a sexual health shop also now carries my book.

Needless to say I chased a dream. I also took that dream and ran with it hoping it would fly. What started off as an idea blossomed into a full blown book series; 20 years in the making. There have been some bumps, but all in all I’m SO very pleased with what I started out to do. The start of my number one bucket list item has been done. Now this isn’t to say it was easy.

I’ve had MORE naysayers than I care to recall. People who scoffed or laughed at my ambitions to see this book succeed. Even a person I worked with laughed at me when I said IF my book takes off “I want to stay living in my community I’ll just move down further from where I am now” and she laughed at me saying “Good luck, even we can’t afford a place there.”
My thoughts that evening on her negativity was this. (and yes I damn well hope she sees this)

Look dear, I don’t care if you have a wonderful life or a shitty one, you don’t need to bring me down with you. It’s all in how you make it. Sure maybe you can’t take me being all sunshine and rainbows thinking I’m blowing it outta my ass; but you know what? I had a dream. I followed it and I SUCCEEDED! NOW if my book takes off and does well, that; well that would be a bonus for those in MY community. People I’d help… IF and only if I became successful past publishing my story. (and yer damn straight I will buy a home in your area as cost likely won’t be an issue.) Now you can be negative Nelly all you want, BUT let me ask you… when was the last time YOU successfully chased a dream?
My dreams are just that…a wonderful dream; if they succeed then so be it. If not well so what I accomplished the MAIN part of my goal. It’s a HELL of a lot more than I can say for someone who’d rather put a person down than pick them up.
Jealously is a ugly thing to wear… but I got to admit. You wear it well.
I pray life gets better for you so you don’t have to walk around with that ugly outfit on for the rest of your life. Cause you know… people notice.

On the opposite end of the spectrum in regards to people; I have nothing but respect and I am HUMBLED by the support I’ve gotten from my friends along the way.

Nancy for being there and helping when I needed an editor. God love you girl you are a SAINT!
Nan for being SO DAMN encouraging (even though she hates my cussing… you do wonderful putting up with my bullshit Nan and I love you for it!) Thanks ❤
Shaun, because without him; There’d be no book in the first place.
My kids Satisha, Bryan and Ḉamaya – for being supportive.  (yes even Satisha, for when she was..even though she’s not now.) They did their part while they endured my writing. They either raved or raged about what I was doing in regards to my books. Cried at me killing off characters and gave me some amazing ideas. Thanks :)
Shelley and Clara for being amazing people, my best friends. Without either of  them I wouldn’t be who I am now.
and yes…Darren – Because you taught me that you have to be true to yourself and even if you hate me… I STILL admire you for teaching me that. No one else did and I’m so sorry for the struggles you’ve faced. I wish I could have done more for you, but at least you gave me TWO wonderful characters for my books, both your good and bad sides ;) Dante and Sam breath because of your personality. Thanks for that as well, and I still love you, even if you can’t love yourself.

All in all my dream has turned into a wondrous journey. I’m always surprised every day about the progress I’ve made with my 1st book. It’s beyond amazing some days. I feel so small compared to the success of others but that feeling of each tiny successful step no matter how little it is; is actually so very HUGE to me. (and overwhelming sometimes) It makes my head spin.

I want to do SO much for those in my community if things take off. My main goal IF the dream flies; is to give people a reason to smile. No really… because people here are poor/low income most can’t afford dental work. So many go without. Many; like myself in the past; that I know won’t smile because their teeth are just too far gone. The costs are horrendous. I pray all the time that this book goes somewhere so I can help people, because what says you care more than putting a smile on someones face.

My future goals in regards to all of this is to see my whole series published. Maybe one day it will happen. Maybe not. It all depends on how far I’m willing to run with it, and you can’t take off if you stay still on the ground.

So if you can support my dream, donate $5. (or more if you wish).
And bless you! ❤

Jaide

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A dream comes true.

It started with a story rattling in my head 20 years ago. Several characters created from personalities of people I knew. Some who’d long passed (A few sadly at their own hands.) but the notion to breath life back into their lost future wasn’t something I could let go. A story that had so much of my own life within it, chances to show a world I lived where intolerance ran rapid how to see the beauty in everyone who loves someone. So I created my little world called Steppin’ Out.

The story is based between Halifax NS, and Ottawa Ontario. In the beginning I had decided to call Halifax and Ottawa by pseudo names Curre and Kearney; but then changed my mind.  I felt that it was best to leave the story where it first started.

The story follows the lives of two young men who start their journey with one saving the other, but ultimately they end up saving each other. This story follows them along their life journey in coming out to their community. The challenges they faced. Learning about acceptance, and growing as a couple; not just on their own but with everyone their lives touch.

This is just book one of several. (4 are completed and the 5th is in the works with 2 more slated to be added and possible more…who knows) Each book ties these two people with their friends, their community. How they all face tragedy, learning as a a dynamic group of people in a cruel and sometimes unforgiving world for those from the queer community.  Each book touches on each different set of friends, their dreams, goals and with a touch of magic, fantasy and a touch of drama to bring it all together.

It took me 20 years to complete this bucket list item. My goal/dream. Now I get to see my story sold to those who want to hear it. I almost gave up twice… but kept going when I felt it was for nothing. Today I got to hold my dreams in my hand. Today, I truly feel that I am an author.

I give thanks to my friends; Linda Sejic who did the cover art for my book and
Shaun Vyas from Callisto Printing in Halifax NS who helped get it printed.
and above all Love to my kids Ḉamaya and Bryan for sticking by me while this was all happening.

Jaide

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The stigma of income assistance

This is an article I wrote and had published today in the Nova Scotia Advocate.
I have been told a few times today in face book how it has hit home. Tell me what you think.

If you’ve ever had to use government aid like I did in the past… how did it effect you?

Article link below image.

https://nsadvocate.org/2017/05/09/lives-on-welfare-it-eats-away-at-your-very-core/

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Where has the effort gone?

Why is it that when a guy asks you to add you to their social media and you do; the first thing they have to do is either talk about their ex’s, drug and booze, guns or  ask who you’re dating? If you don’t answer, you’re a “Stuck up bitch” because they didn’t get their way? This I feel is a method used by those who want control over something they deem their right to take.  A means to “win” with verbal assaults because they haven’t the capacity for meaningful thought in order to win the heart of a lady they find appealing. Instead many guys use intimidation to get what they want or to exercise control.  Catcalling, wolf whistling, and then some.  If I WANTED your attention, I’d make sure to let you know.  We do NOT ask for you guys to do this kind of crap. We’re not going to run up to you and fall into your arms because you howled at us and grabbed your junk, telling you to take us right there… You’re a fucking fool if you think that shit works. If anything, women are disgusted by your neanderthal tactics. Grow up!

Thing is now… if a lady does answer; they feel like their deposit of “attention;” even if it’s counterfeit; will allow them to withdrawal sexual reciprocation from you as payment for that attention.  HOW come this is an ongoing behavior I see time and time again? It’s as bad as the “Friend Zone” guys bitch about so much. Seriously? So you pay attention to me, and get MAD because I don’t screw you for the attention you give me? Hello…. *KNOCK KNOCK!* YOU chose that position, if you stay then that’s YOUR choice.  YOU put yourself there and if you expect anything more you my dear male counterpart are an ass! 

Is it media with their over sexualized ads, or commercials? Is it parents who lack the proper ways to raise their male children to treat women like equals? Is there a reason at all or just that most males of the world feel it’s best to have control and they MUST dominate anyone they deem weaker?  I wonder how many guys; once they mature; stop and think about their own children once they get older and realize what their female children go through… I wonder if they think their girls “WANTED” to be harassed or groped or catcalled.  Do they have any remorse for those they harassed as young men?  Do they understand the stigma to the rape culture they themselves were a part of?

When I get asked who I am dating or hear about a guys parting or ex’s;  I think. Who the hell cares who I’m dating?  I also haven’t any interest in your past relationships because it’s not something I need to be involved in. As for who I am dating, I refuse to make up someone JUST to get a guy to back off and leave me the hell alone. I like being single. I think I’m the one because it’s working out so well.

The thing is, when I choose to not get involved with someone’s life or show interest in dating this person and hoped to just BE FRIENDS… guys tend to think I OWED them. When I do this on social media when I didn’t fall into their arms like a loose chick they want. I am blocked; Not that I care, but WOW! Real mature.

However; I sit back and smile when it happens because see; I learned when a guy does this it’s for the best… The trash took itself out and ALL of us who’ve been in relationships where their partner was always “keeping score” on how often they got laid for attention given, knows how hard it is to get them  to do chores. They just made our lives easier by walking away; we won’t be dealing with their bullshit. They want easy they can pick up trash. Frankly I’m not that kind of woman.
It’s guys like this whose misogynistic behavior; where they think they are OWED payment of sexual favors for attention given that make me distrust the male species, and one of the BIGGEST reasons why I will not date anymore.

My aunt always told me that there’s guys who want “easy” and they will go after anything like fallen bruised apples upon the ground.  ANY man who has any morals will make an effort to climb that tree to get the best; go for a lady who has morals herself.  A true man doesn’t expect someone to put out JUST because of what they give to another.  It’s those people who work hard who will receive another’s devotion.  I believe many of us ladies would rather be an apple HIGH on a tree and have someone work hard to obtain their affections.

Personally; I’ve been single nearly four years and I rather like it this way.  Why? Because I have a moral bank, I have ideals that I believe in. I will not sway from those.  I do not take kindly to counterfeited attentions placed within my walls to have love withdrawn.  It’s happened too many times in the past. I; like any other bank; will charge a thief with robbery; sentencing will be swift and there is never a chance of parole.

Jaide

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SOS – Save Our Single (parents)

Dear Mr. Trudeau,

My name is Sylvia AJ White and I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia. A small province compared to the others; one whose economy is heading west because of the lack of jobs and more so lack of support.

I write for those of us who need the help the most, including myself.  I may not be able to articulate myself very well but I think I can make an effort to make my point clear. I write for single parents (most who are mothers) who are fighting a battle without any meaningful help.  Those of us who work as much as we can, and those of us who rely on assistance from a broken and severely outdated system. It is suppose to help but sadly doesn’t because those who run it just do not care enough to make a serious effort to fix it.  This province doesn’t need MLS’s to run it sir; it requires a mother.

Someone who would understand the struggles we all endure or face every single day.  Here are the breakdowns of what I mean. PLEASE take into consideration that all of this is based on info I’ve gathered over the years and it’s out of Halifax NS, our capital city.

A single parent (I’m using a mother because I am in this VERY situation myself!) ; with two children; on assistance receives $880 a month.  The rents here unless you’re in housing average about $650 to $1200 a month depending if you live in the “slums/hood” or not.  If you want a nice place it will cost you.  Community services only allows $675 MAX for rent.  This MUST include heat, electricity & hot water.   A single parent of two would be LUCKY to find a one bedroom for this much let along a three bedroom should she had a male and female child.   If she did, this leaves her with a grand total of $205 a MONTH to survive off of.   (Not including her child tax credit, IF she gets one.)   $205 is suppose to buy medication, clothing for her children and herself all year round.  Kids grow so clothing isn’t cheap EVEN at a second hand store!

NOTE: I’m going to assume you know the issue with Value village, and other second hand stores in NS jacking up prices in poor neighbourhoods;  which I might add is deplorable, if not you may want to check in on this.  I think you’d be quite surprised at the profiteering that goes on within these businesses at the expense of those who can’t afford it.

To continue;  this amount of $205 is deplorable.  IF she works, even part time she’s only allowed to keep $150 as a starting rate and then 70% of any “extra” after that $150; well that income is taken away from her Income Assistance check for trying to better herself with that job.  A very discouraging thing to deal with if you must pay for child care as well.  Another expense that can be anywhere from $250-$1300 a month in this city.

A single mom with 2 children must take that $205 and eat, pay medications and clothing. Breaking it down to a minimum, $15 for medication *1 RX per person (under pharmacare at $5 a shot) once a month.  But we ALL know that doesn’t happen ALL the time* and $50 for clothing for 3 people.  This leaves a total of $140 for the month. THIS is for food.  $4.66 a day for THREE people.  (A huge amount of $1.55 PER person.)  A healthy balanced diet requires $75 a week per person.   $10.85 a week on IA is only 14% of the actual cost to keep a person healthy.  IA sees more people in Dr’s offices and hospital due to the lack of a proper diet.  This leads to more meds being required and less money for food… (See where I am going with this?)

A single parent who decides to get an education, is amazing. OH Fantastic! She could be ANYTHING she wants to be… BUT NOT IF SHE’S POOR!!!

FACT: Income Assistance DICTATES that if a single mother even TRIES to do well for herself by getting an education; that if she should choose ANYTHING they don’t approve of then they will not support her.  If she gets a student loan, she’s on her own.  There is no daycare support, there isn’t any income other than that student loan.  That loan covers school costs, not child care or rent or food.  Nova Scotia’s Income assistance system is BROKEN! It needs to be mended. So people who need it can survive. So they can CHOOSE who they want to be; so someone in a higher seat with an education can’t look down on them and say. “NO you can’t be this, because I said so.”  Single parents are already considered to be the bad guy by ex spouses who don’t pay child support on a system where they are told they are WRONG to need help.  I don’t want a job based on what someone told me I could be, I want one based on my passions! Something I love to do.  I love to help, but I don’t want to be a nurse.  I’m resourceful and creative, but I’m not allowed to get the higher education I want because it’s NOT approved!

WHY is it that the single parent  is the “bad guy” when they ask for help?  The stigma of “Oh she’s lazy“, or “He’s milking the system” is something I’ve heard time and time again. It’s a HORRIBLE feeling knowing you’d not be there in that situation if your ex supported the child you both brought into the world,  and if you could have a job based on an education YOU chose; BUT in NS… deadbeat parents (Most proven to be men) get a free ride.  How is it that their RIGHTS are “violated”  when we asked for their parental rights to be revoked if that parent hasn’t made ANY effort to support that child?  Isn’t abandonment of a child considered a crime? If so then WHY the hell should a parent endure the pain of being told that THEY HAVE to find their ex in order to get maintenance that the other parent is obviously avoiding?  That WE as single parents without income to hire an investigator to track down our ex’s and to serve them so we can take them to court for money we will never see.

In Nova Scotia; as of October of 2014; deadbeat parents owed $65 MILLION dollars in support to their children.  Over 90% of them STILL have their licences. Many move to other provinces because they know that an ISO (Interim Service Order) order is needed before they can get wages garnished out of province and even then it’s a struggle, and why? Because other provinces will not work with maintenance enforcement to accomplish a greater goal of seeing child poverty lessened due to dead beat parents lack of support.  I think it’s high time that something was done about this issue and NOW. It’s been over 30 years and hardly ANY solid changes have been made!  I think if a parent is court ordered to pay they should and if not they should be jailed, losing their licence should be done after $500 is in arrears not say the $170,000 like Mr. Joe Power did to his wife Angela who’s been fighting in court since 1991!!  I believe their medical should be revoked as well.  Insurances of ANY kind should also be denied till they’re are paid in full.

The Family Court laws and rules ALSO need to be revamped and changed to give single parents a chance to have SOME control over their children’s needs.  A child should NEVER be allowed to be abused by a person who doesn’t want them by the neglect and lack of support. I believe if that parent walks out they should lose their rights, give those rights to the parent who is THERE for their child!  I have heard time and time again, “But what about that dad/mom’s rights, what if they turn their life around?”  My response to this is… Then they shouldn’t have been a parent in the first place if you can abandon a child like a puppy, you’re a criminal.  If justice is given it should be to the parent who is there at 3 in the morning while that child is sick, the one who feeds and clothes them.

I think if an active parent so chooses to, giving the option to have the other parent give up their rights should be a viable option.  ANY maintenance owed would still be required to be paid but new amounts would cease, OR after so many years of the deadbeat parent not being in the child’s life it would be deemed abandonment and the child’s active parent would have all rights while the inactive one would lose their rights as abandonment would be deemed a punishable offence.  For example a parent shouldn’t have to struggle to have their child’s last name changed back to their own if they so chose because that ex refuses to co-operate and allow it because he has rights on a child he abandoned.  It makes the other active parent feel helpless and less important even though they are doing all the work. WHERE ARE THEIR RIGHTS? I ask this because this is what I hear others are dealing with right now, one lady I know with an ex spouse who owes over $14000 in back support and he’s been gone 3 years!  (But she has NO rights to change his last name to her own because her ex has “rights” on a child he abandoned… NOT FAIR!)
So Mr. Prime Minister… This is where I stand.  As a single parent I want what is best for my children, but I can’t give it to them when their father chose to walk out one day without a word and NO support.  I can’t give it to them when feeding them on $1.55 each has become a nearly impossible task and food banks are the norm.  I can’t give it to them if they see me struggle to get a better education only to be told “NO” because it’s not approved by someone who DOES have an education.  I can’t tell my children they can be anything they want to be when it’s a lie.  Being poor and relying on a broken system is like a stranded swimmer out on a vast ocean. I’m going nowhere treading water, and I’m going to drown without a life preserver.   Without the support, I’m just another statistic with kids who are going to end up the same way, and this sir is NOT what I want for my children.

Thanks for your time.

Sylvia AJ White,
Halifax NS.

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101 pieces of Luck 2015 Part 1

So the summer of 2015 has seen some pretty impressive things happen for my family and I. We won some money which we are rather enjoying. My son has a full time job. I’m working as well. Finished my GED program and all is awesome with our little world.

I’m usually not the luckiest person in the world. Hell my blog last year will tell you about how lucky I can be LOL, BUT with that being said I have this wonderfully uncanny ability to sit in a clover patch with my daughter (who’s 4 BTW) and we can find 4, 5 and 6 leafed clovers like nobody’s business. It’s VERY weird LOL 🙂  I started to give them away last year.  Apparently this has made my luck turn around (Go figure LOL!)

The odd in finding a 4 leafed clover are something like 10000 to 1 !!!
This goes to 100000 to 1 when it’s a 5 leafed clover and even higher when it’s a 6!
I’ve found MANY 5 leafers and even several 6’s

This is just SOME of the clovers I found this year that have been dried and laminated.

I LOVE sharing this ability with my daughter. My grand mom use to always say I had “Clover Vision” when I was a child. A special and unique ability to find 4 leafed clovers.
I apparently passed this onto my wonderful little girl 🙂

So in light of all that and the wonderful clovers I’ve found with my daughter; when I started to give them away last year I passed out well over 200; I posted some in here within my blog which I dubbed 101 pieces of luck.  I did it again this year only I MAILED out over 40 so far with more to go. I’ve given away by hand over 67 (in total 107 clovers given away)
My daughter alone has found this year (only) 53 clovers ALL by herself.
*I’m so freaking PROUD of that you know!!!*

So now I’m going to post some of the pics of some of the lucky people who’ve received a clover from me, Either in person or via mail. 🙂 Enjoy and If you received one from me and “got lucky” Hey post in here and tell me about it and I will ADD it to the blog entry under your pic! (Why? because you’re luck is AMAZING to me!)

Amanda Latter

 

Tracy Kerr and Daughter

 

My foster daughter Sarah Backland

 

Terri Singer and Son Jackson

Bunny Smith

Meggie MacKinnon

 

Allyson MacPhee (her daughter Layla)

 

Charlene White

Deanna Wong

 

Elizabeth Squires

 

Laura Kathleen

 

Nancy

 

Amanda Mills

 

Amanda McAskill

 

(Foster son) Tristan

 

Alisha Hazel

 

Tammy Benvie

 

Jacqueline Patricia

 

Alice and her friend :) ON the Metro

Alice and her friend 🙂 ON the Metro

So now these lovely people have been posted. SO lets keep our eyes open for stories 😉 cause you never know where a little luck is going to come from!

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How do I mend her heart?

I never noticed till now that the picture of Camaya and I; along with her dad was missing from the wall in her room…. 😦
I wished I’d seen it gone sooner, I’d have asked where it went. Instead I found it under her bed… sadly it was torn to bits, but only her dad was the only person ripped out of that once upon a time moment when we were all happy.  A surreal moment come to think of it, because back then he loved us as much as I loved him.

Sadly, I look back and think I should have probably not pointed him out, but back in May we saw her father driving through Tim Hortons. I told her with cheer and NO contempt to her father, “There’s daddy!” and asked her to wave… She’d only asked about him the night before for the 100th time. (and for the 100th time I lied to protect her)… Sadly that day he proved to her I was liar…  He ignored her, didn’t speak and drove away.

That callous moment by him took away her joy for most of the day… it broke my heart.  She’s a bright child. She knew I was fibbing when I told her “Maybe he didn’t hear you.” She pointed out that his window was opened.

SIGH…Today I find this. My heart aches for her yet again. She’s so young and so small yet has these emotions bottled up and lashes out the only way she knows how… On a picture I hung by her bed so she understood that even though her dad and I didn’t see eye to eye I still loved her so very much. Enough to KEEP her dad in the picture… it’s too bad he cut out.

My poor princess. I cry knowing how heart broken she must have been to do this… She couldn’t have been more than 3 when she did it (She just recently turned 4) I noticed she doesn’t ask about him anymore either.

How do you fix a child’s world where she knows that her mamma lied to her about a man this child is pretty certain doesn’t care, especially when one is so young but seems to understand more than she should?

(I HONESTLY like to believe that he probably does care; he just hates me too much to show her, and doesn’t get that he’s abusing her emotionally when he tries to hurt me, and THAT hurts the most… because I can’t stop him from doing that to her!)

How do you protect a child from someone who proves with his actions towards her (or there lack of) that he doesn’t seem to give two shits about her if only because he hates me so much?  She’s half of us both! There’s nothing wrong with her because she’s half him… there shouldn’t be anything wrong with her because she’s half me too!

I know I could ask her if she wants another picture, but I don’t want to upset her even more. I could just replace it and wait and see what happens. (again I don’t want to upset her) I could ask her if she wants to talk about her dad… but she’s not brought him up in a long time and seeing this… makes me think it’s best to leave well enough alone.

EDIT: 
******

Added: 6:14 pm July 28th 2015. 

I told her I found the picture under her bed when I was cleaning. She put her head down like she was going to get into trouble… I had to tell her I wasn’t mad (I wasn’t I just felt so hurt that she had to go through all of this) and I wanted to know why she broke daddy out of her picture and her response plain as day was “I was pissed off.” I tried my best not to smile, or laugh because well… innocent kids who cuss while angry; I ain’t gonna lie it’s funny as hell! (I think I did OK in not busting a gut) I asked her about why; She said. “He knows I here. He don’t like me like he does the other girl” she put her head down again, she looked SO lost and defeated… I felt so damn bad, but I asked if she meant her sister Faith and she nodded, and then she continued with “He not very fucking nice!” And stomped her foot, crossed her arms and sat under her bunk bed. I very calmly (again trying my damndest to not laugh..sorry but she had every right to be angry… but she looks so cute when she’s ticked off) told her I understood she was angry and felt heart hurt but she shouldn’t use those words. (YES, I parented her, and corrected the language) I ask her if she’d want a new picture or not, I told her she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to (I wasn’t going to force it) and she agreed that she did. I also told her instead of breaking something when she’s mad to come talk to me so we could fix it as best as we can.  I think she understood this pretty well….

Now the big thing is I pray that I did the right thing.

Drew… I sure the hell hope you’re proud of yourself!

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