Love yourself FIRST!

So it’s that time again, I’m blogging…  Why?  Mainly because it’s come to my attention that I’ve seen so many of my lady friends suffer due to a loss of their partners.  NOT from a death but because their partner cheated, left or decided they wanted out of a relationship and then those ladies go on the hunt to find someone to fill that void they have in their lives… WAY TOO SOON.


Yes you HEARD me!

I’m tired of hearing people whine about how they feel used.  If YOU are looking for someone to “Fill” that missing space the only space you’re looking to get filled is the one between your legs and not your heart! Come on ladies we’re worth SO much more than that and ANY guy will be more than happy to fill you and then bug off!  It’s what MOST of them do best. (NOT all mind you but most)  People are meant to be loved not used!  Don’t allow yourself to be used GAWD DAMMIT!

OK so now that I’ve screamed about that, let me go into why I believe this.  I TO have gone through the same crap all you lovely ladies (AND some guys) have gone through, I even have a child with a man I THOUGHT was “THE” one… I NEVER ever introduced a man to my biological parents and for ONCE I did.  Guess what? He fooled them to!  I feel like crap, yes.  Mainly because I got duped into believing that he thought I was worth loving and fighting for, obviously not since he’s no longer around.  I HOWEVER didn’t go on the hunt for someone right away… Why? Well for one I’m not looking for someone to fill my “Void” I have kids who are MORE important that getting “laid” Yes I said it.  Sex is the last thing I’m worried about.  I decided that I am a VALUED person; I deserve to be respected, not used.  Like any man who wants to be valued, I to wish to have the same things out of life.  So I decided to DO something with my free single status and take the one thing from the former relationship I hated the most and make it a positive!

Yes you heard right again.


READ it… HEED IT! If you’ve done this, guess what… You’re one of them, if you’ve dealt with this, you HAVE one.
NOTE: used in context with this blog, I do not own this image. Thanks Occupybacon for the pic.

I told my ex I wanted to go back to school so I could do better for my family.  My ex told me; when our money was running low and my maternity leave EI was going to end; “IF I was selfish, Id’ go back to school to and get a better job!”  *He already worked for Metro Transit and had a good job, and got his a$$ fired for assaulting a female passenger and then blamed ME for the stress!* I have my grade 12 (I graduated to but I do not have actual grades due to a fire at my former school.)  So I couldn’t’ go to college as I wanted, so I made the effort to get my upgrading which is actually a benefit!  I’m doing for myself out of the ONE negative thing I hated the most.  Being told I’d be selfish for wanting my education.  (He said this cause all he wanted was me to keep working in a dead-end job to provide him with the means to live the lifestyle he was used to…SORRY to burst your bubble!)  I would LOVE to be able to sponge off of someone if I was self-centered and selfish, but I’m NOT like that. One thing my foster dad taught me was ALWAYS do your best for your family first, this way the only person you can blame when you fail is YOU.  He taught me I was responsible for my OWN actions.  My foster dad; William will ALWAYS be my motivation for doing my best.  I failed to pacify my ex with his selfishness and need to control me, but I won’t blame myself for valuing myself.  I’m more valuable than that and so are my kids! (HE can’t say that!)

So to my single “Mamma’s” (and Pappas) out there… You’re already a parent, do you really want a (insert age here: year old) baby? NO!

All I ever hear is, but I gave him/her my best, I deserve more… blah, blah, blah… Um OF COURSE you do but guess what, if you’re only looking for convenient that’s all you’re going to get! Are you a car? Do you REALLY need validation from someone else? NO!

So I INSIST you stop and think about how you think and what you’ve said pertaining to your past relationship and think about what you want OUT of a relationship.  If you as a person can’t see you’re worth more than who you have in your life then guess what, you’re going to CONTINUE to be used!

Do for yourself and your kids before anything else.  LOVE yourself first.  If you can’t love you; then you will never find the true love you’re looking for.  Do for your kids because they will remember this more than a potential partner who may or may not leave.  Remember this saying Guys to… “When I do good they never remember, but when I do bad they never forget” Set a goal and go for it, using tiny baby steps as you go along.

Remember we as women are stronger than most give us credit for.  Guys NEED us as much as we need them, so do yourself a favor, make yourself valuable and that special someone will come along and see you as such and treat you with the respect you deserve!

Avoid the users… remember if a potential partner sounds too good to be true, it’s USUALLY a red flag and someone to avoid.  You want someone your kids can look up to as well as respect as much as they do you.  If they can’t accept your flaws (We ALL have them and you SHOULD know yours by now and BE HONEST TO!) then again these people aren’t worth it.  If they can’t accept your kids as part of the package then again walk away!  And for the love of god… LEAVE your EX behind.  Don’t stay in contact unless it’s necessary for your kids, they are an ex for a reason.  There’s nothing more annoying to another person than an ex who’s constantly in your life and if they are one to harass the crap out of you DO something about it, don’t idly sit by and pacify them, it only encourages bad behavior!

I know I’m gonna get crap for posting this but you know what… I DON’T care.  This is MY opinion and I value my opinion because I’ve lived through this and survived.  You can to.


About Jaidemoon

Sylvia lives in Halifax NS in a well known neighbourhood called Spryfield Sylvia is also known in many writing circles as Lila Mosher. (her chosen pen name) She is in the process of getting her 1st book published, from a series called Steppin' Out that she's been working on for a few years (So far she's completed 4 books and the 5th one is almost done.) She's accomplished getting poetry published in the past but the most recent accomplishment was getting an article published in the Nova Scotia Advocate. (Something she's wanted to do for years) Sylvia has 2 children at home and is a altruistic lady who is forever trying to assist those in her community, she volunteers for the local food bank in her area and helps rescue cats though a rescue group she runs with her aunt called "Halicats". She firmly believes that kindness is a commodity and should be given freely. "I once was told as a teen... 'When storm clouds come rolling in, try to be someones rainbow.' I still try to do this on a daily basis." S. White. Sylvia Or Jaide in here has quite the following with her written works including a fan fiction series called Generation Ork. and several other stories that you can find on line. Check them out in the links on her blog.
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3 Responses to Love yourself FIRST!

  1. You are right about manipulators and narcissists, I have put so much effort into something and gotten destroyed over and over again, too exhausted to try again, now I am at peace.

  2. babyfrog6927 says:

    Thanks…I needed that…Put things in a different picture for me…Really never thought of it that way…….Thanks….it means lots to me….You are a great person and a wonderful friend…NEVER CHANGE please.

    • jaidemoon says:

      My froggy friend you inspire me, you’re a great friend and I know you have some of these very issues as well. Please remember you are valued, and you need to do the same for yourself to. Without self worth and appreciation we sprial into a life of asking ourselves, “What did I do wrong?” when nothing wrong was done. We question ourselves all the time and beat ourselves up over “What ifs” How about for once smiling and saying “Hey I’ve got a goal” and work on that, even if it’s JUST getting out of bed in the morning. YOU are so much more, I see it every time we talk, your smarts are the best thing about you, now all you need to do is work on your self esteem 🙂 I KNOW you can do it. Say hi to your wonderful kids for me, and above all dear, smile because you’re beautiful when you do!

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