As of Feb 8th 2014, I’ve been officially celibate for 3 years. On June 7th I’ll be single for 2 years…. (I KNOW it makes no sense… but trust me it’s how it was) Yes this actually means I’ve had NO “fun” what so ever since this date – My daughter was 6 months old… and I was still “TOO BIG” (@ 157 pounds) for my ex to “enjoy himself” … Apparently my “enjoyment” had nothing to do it with any of it… (PS: this comment about being “too big” actually came directly from my ex’s mouth… (Mr 287 lbs himself) no this isn’t what we split) So this “born again virgin status” (according to my churches/religions thoughts) is suppose to be a very good thing… (To many of my friends it’s not so good LOL) … I’ll explain more in a bit. To me, it’s impressive … but also not all that important. to my friends it’s “OMG, I’d go nuts!” LOL… (A cold shower fixes women to ya know! LOL!)
So in those 3 years I’ve learned to love myself JUST as I am. A woman who likes to be in control of the things she CAN control and who worries about the stuff she can’t. (Not that it does me much good but hey, I’m a mom it’s in my nature to worry about everything) I’ve also learned that I am EXACTLY who I say I am… I’m smart, I’m a bit of a pain in the butt when it comes to doing crap “properly” (nag if you don’t plain and simple.. don’t want me to nag… do it right) I also don’t sugar coat anything and if people don’t like it tough! I’m not a pussy footer who dances around stuff just to “not hurt feelings” I’m sorry; if you’re an a$$… I’m going to tell you… I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings but you NEED to hear the truth! (If I don’t do it NO ONE will cause… well they are too scared to “hurt your feelings”) GAWD! People HAVE to stop doing this… and yeah you’re right… “Well you wouldn’t like it if someone did this to you!” I wouldn’t like it BUT this doesn’t mean I wouldn’t LEARN from it. I prefer honesty EVEN if it hurts! *PS: It ACTUALLY HAS TO BE HONEST… not this made up crap just to make another “feel good/big/important” There is a HUGE difference so please remember this.
PSS: There is Also a difference between BEING an $$ and IS an a$$…Same as I can BE a b*&^h, but I’m not A b*(&h…. Please Learn this difference.
I noticed that after just 2 years lots of people kept asking me “Are you single?” or “How come you’re still single?” or make comments such as… “God, don’t you think it’s time to get a little ‘service?’ ” (I think… Uh… No why? Are you offering; cause frankly I don’t think the mechanic is up to that job”) *insert laughter here* I swear to god people thought I should be doing someone within a few months of being ditched… sorry I’m NOT that type of person…(AKA .. TRAMPY!) unlike many of my ex’s I ACTUALLY gave a damn about them and needed time to heal… (which is ANOTHER ball of crap I hated to hear)
I’m also tired of hearing, “Oh it takes time to heal.” … for one I HEALED a long time ago and for another who the hell says I HAVE to be with anyone in order to prove I’m not still hung up on my ex? Yes it does take a long time to heal and it IS OK to take as much time as you need… frankly I’m done that part… like a year ago!
The other thing I’m tired of hearing is… “Oh well you just don’t know what you want.” PS… The HELL I don’t! I want people to STOP bloody well assuming I NEED someone in my life to be happy!
I would LIKE someone in my life… but it’s not a “Necessity” …partners aren’t accessories, like a belt, there to hold things up and then something you put away till you need them again… I rather be alone than have a partner who thinks I’m only there as a babul… to be admired then forgotten till someone else notices me… I am ENOUGH as I am… I do not need a partner to validate me as a lovable person.
NOTE: I AM happy. I have my kids. I have great friends who are supportive. I’m moving forward with my life… My ex sure the hell doesn’t define who I was or AM today… He’s just someone I was lucky to meet, he taught me some valued lessons, and believe it or not I AM grateful for those lessons. He’s not perfect (neither am I) I may not respect what he did to our family but I still won’t tell him he’s not allowed to be happy. I am more mature than to be a a$$ and sit back and hound the crap out of him… (PS this doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s as a$$… on the contrary, I do still think he’s an a$$… as I’m sure he still thinks I’m a b*&$h… difference is… I KNOW I can be a b*”&h… he just doesn’t accept that he IS an a$$… and thinks he’s OK as he is… that’s where we differ on views) I just hope he’s happy, I thank him for leaving us be, I’m much happier without the stress of trying to prove myself to him anyway. I just prove what I can do for me and me alone and this is what makes me proud… because I can accomplish so much more when the only person I am letting down is me when I mess up.
To my wonderful well meaning friends… Trust me, when the time comes and I meet that wonderful person who can make me smile with just a “hi”, who can make the world around me disappear even for a moment, and whom my beautiful smart kids trust you will be some of the first to know. It hasn’t happened yet because I honestly don’t think there’s a single person out there that can put up with me, and I’m OK with that. I can deal with being alone because I don’t NEED someone to complete who I am, I’m already completely me, if anything someone in my life should be an extension, for the/our future; not just an addition to my/our present.
I’ve learned a LOT being single… so please, trust me on this one when I say, I’m good. 🙂