It took me nearly a week to process the news. I suppose I had to take that time to reflect on what I was hearing and knowing that I wouldn’t ever see the one special person I really looked up to; seeing as he was also my sons idol but I suppose there comes a time in anyone’s life where we have to look back on why we chose people we do and look up to them. My son chose this wonderful man because he’s funny, amazing and always able to get people to laugh. My wonderful gamer son was also nearly named after this awesome man as well (only because his father has the same last name) and because I to have a sense of humor and adored this funny man. My children grew up with him in our home; losing him is like losing a family member and it REALLY hit home and it hit like a two ton truck. It is really true that we really do mythologize people when they die, not just in America but the world over; especially ones who’ve done so much for so many people; be it direct or not. Here in our home he will ALWAYS be an idol.
By now you all will know I speak of the funniest man on earth, Mr. Robin Williams. When I got the news I was sitting at my computer and looking up info for my next blog article I was going to work on. I came across the announcement of his passing and I actually cried out “OH GOD! NO!” …I was upset and pissed… I commented “This can’t be true, someone is being an asshole…” and I promptly started looking for the “Hoax” info behind the announcement… but then CBC announced it and I slumped… I knew the one person I loved to watch was now gone. I told my son. My favorite funny humorous man, I wasn’t laughing; not at all. My son and I both cried that night.
We both took it hard. He always wanted to meet him, now he won’t get to. I explained to him that media would focus on how he died in the negative and that he needed to remember that it was his depression that took him far too soon and not how he choose to stop the pain. My son knew I was looking out for him to seeing as he dealt with his own depression and his own attempts to stop his pain in the past. I just wanted him to know that sometimes even those who have it all can’t always win when it comes to depression. It’s a battle no one seems to know how to win against, we just pray that we have the weapons we need in order to keep moving forward; a hand up when we’re down in the trenches too far to get out on our own. I think my son understood and he’s pretty shaken about what happened but I know that he knows that depression shouldn’t be taken so lightly. He promised me he’d talk to me when he needed to and he did.
A few days after this all happened he told me he was sad that he wouldn’t ever get to meet this man himself as a young adult. He said Robin’s passing is like losing one of his buddies from school or one of his uncles and I told him that’s ok I felt the same way. He asked if it would be possible to try and meet his other idol since he’s lost the two he had since he was growing up. I told him the first chance we can get to meet Jim Carrey I will do all I can to get him in to see him. My son’s idols consisted of > Ernie Coombs (For those who don’t know who that it, it’s Mr. Dress up) Robin Williams and Jim Carrey. Now he’s lost two.
My oldest got to meet her idols, my son has yet to meet any of his. We tried when we could afford to but sadly Ernie passed before my son got his wish. He wanted to meet Robin but we couldn’t get to Toronto for him to meet him and now it’s sadly it’s much too late. In light of his passing when my son and I spoke about it all he pointed out that there are others out there he’s going to really hate to see go, Betty White being one of them. I asked him if he’d feel better if I did a cartoon for him of Robin and he said yes. So I did. Out of love for the funny man himself I pictured him in heaven on his first day and of course you know he’d be his funny old self. I guessed he’d be trying on wings for a fit and would crack a joke or two. I showed my son the end results of my ideas and 6 hours of sketching and coloring. He liked it and said I did him justice. “Ya know I can actually hear his voice…” he said as he looked at the picture on my screen. “This is something I can see him doing.” He chuckled and then my son gave me a warm hug and a thank you and smiled as he went upstairs.
I think the picture made him relax? unwind? or maybe it gave him a sense of closure… who knows I just know he’s not so sad now. Personally… I’m still taking it pretty hard. I will miss this amazing, fantastic funny man on screen. The world just got a whole lot less funnier and in the words of his daughter Zelda, we will have to try twice as hard to make it funny again. (Not that it will be possible to meet his excellence, but I suppose we can try… here’s hoping my son can live up to his idols level and be the next comedian that is reflective of Robin.) I know it would mean the world to my son to be 1/2 the comedian Robin was. I know he will continue to try to be as well. I will always encourage him to follow his dreams, after all he was almost named after the man.
To Zelda, I honestly feel your pain and your loss. I know to you I’m just a fan but to my family your dad was part of my family to. A idol to my son, someone he looked up to, someone he aspired to be like (and trust me he’s getting there LOL) so as corny as it sounds; embrace his memories; watch his movies and remember him for the amazing man he was. Avoid the negative and don’t let anyone bring you down. Remember your dad would just make a joke about all of this. He’d talk about front row seating and most likely how God would tell him to turn off his cell phone as he’s his new agent. He’d kid about his wings getting in the way and ask how to turn his halo off (or he’d throw it like a Frisbee, only to have it smack him in the head anyway on its return) *I sat here giggling when I pictured that in my head*
To those who suffer with depression, I KNOW it’s not an easy battle I’ve been there myself and it took nine years before mine sorted itself out with therapy and medication. I even came close to ending my own pain, and well; all I was looking for was some reason to stay. I got that from a close friend who seemed to know just what it was I needed. I wished you had of had that at the time you made your decision, I know if I hadn’t of had the friend I did to keep me in the battle I’d have gone my own way and in your words “To die would be a grand adventure!” Which is true, I suppose, but then I think again and realize your own words again resonating in my head. “Oh, no. To live… to live would be an awfully big adventure.” I’m glad I did, for I got to learn a lot from a truly amazing person who kept me smiling all these years.
Those who tell you “Turn to God for help.” Just remember, God MADE therapists to help; use them. He made your friends and family as well. Seek them out and ask for help. Never assume people will know what to say. Stupid comments like “Cheer up.” will constantly be there… Ignore them, they don’t know what you’re going through and explaining it to some people will only lead to animosities for both of you where others will understand, but if you don’t have that luxury then one is better off finding the supports where supports are provided within a community who understands. Seek them out and you will be given the weapons you need to fight this battle. Every day while I dealt with my own I’d question my mental health and wonder what casualties would be left lying at the bottom of my feet at days end. I know people would call my past condition an imperfection but to quote you, “but no, that’s the good stuff.” I can’t say that Robin’s passing hasn’t made me question why he chose to leave us. I can’t say I wasn’t upset at the side effect of his depression. A choice of death is a very strong decision to make and not one taken lightly. He had to have some profound reason behind his departure and as much as we want answers, I honestly don’t think we will ever truly know why he had to go. I’m just glad he’s free of his pain. He must have truly felt alone even with all the people who loved and adored him around him.
You’re free Genie. You will be forever missed by myself and my children.
Thanks for being a part of my family for so long. ❤