You know, depression sucks… It eats at you till all you can do is sit there and cry wondering why the hell you’re here in the first place. Write… clean, cry… sleep… nothing seems to help.
Medications don’t always help either and many won’t take them to be a “fake” smiling zombie. Can’t say I don’t blame anyone. The government makes a killing on the human race being a depressed state of chaos. Poison our food to make us depressed. Oh yeah the only effin value depressed foke have to society is that we make the government money… WHOOP-DE-F#*@ING-DO! Ya think with all the revenue they make they’d at least make the effort to have more funding for mental health but nope… the all mighty dollar in some corporate hotshot’s pocket is more important.
It’s no wonder why the suicide rate is so damn high now days compared to 30 years ago. Less help now than ever…and we’re supposedly a “Progressive” society… BULLCRAP! People are taught to “Get over it” when they are down. Told “Oh but you have so much!” … So bloody what! I actually listened to a teen tell me that if a person has money they aren’t allowed to be depressed because they can BUY happiness… WHO THE HELL are the parents to this child? I want to SLAP them!
We’re taught that to be depressed is wrong, bad and unacceptable. That we MUST fake a smile, to put on a brave face because others are taught, those who are depressed are “faking it” or looking for “attention” or are “melodramatic”… sure… and suicide is one hell of a way to get attention isn’t it! People need to get a damn grip on reality and LEARN depression isn’t some made up condition to get sympathy. It is serious, it is REAL and it’s in 1 out of every 3 Canadian’s homes!
Suicide is a permanent side effect of depression, the LAST thing a suffer can do to save them from the distaste, hate and annoyance they see in the face of their OWN loved ones because being depressed takes the toll not out only on the body of those who suffer but on the whole family. All one who suffers sees is the toll it has on their family. They see how much they are avoided, how much their friends seem to be TOO busy. How getting a hug is like pulling teeth from someone… Loneliness is a HELL of a state of mind when you have so many people around you.
I have compared; in the past; the trauma of depression to cancer and I’m told “It’s apple and oranges” and that those who can CHOOSE to be cancer free would… Do you HONESTLY think someone suffering from chronic depression has a choice? “Oh I’m just depressed I can BE HAPPY if I want to be!” YEAH!! LALALA… (NOT going to happen!) because if it could then there wouldn’t BE depression in the first damn place! Do people REALLY believe that being bi-polar is all in someone’s head and that all they need is positive thinking? Let’s say for the sake of arguments the same for cancer then. It’s all in how you think…If you think you don’t have it, you won’t. (Doesn’t sound right now does it?) Maybe it’s time society stops thinking that suicide is a weak choice for someone with depression to do and understand it’s a SIDE EFFECT… not a damn choice! That it’s not pain that someone wants to pass on, it’s something that they are running from!
Those who suffer can’t escape it anymore than a person suffering from cancer can with “positive thinking” It makes NO sense for people to demand this from someone who has depression.
Those who do suffer, need tools, support and forward thinking to help them stay here. Guidance to show them that the strong feelings they have can be battled as it truly is a war they fight… In their heads! Depression is a fierce battle, and sometimes people lose. It doesn’t make them weak or selfish. Society needs to understand there are ways to help them win, support and awareness is one way. Understanding and being NON judgemental is another. Sure people can have opinions and say that suicide of a depressed person is a choice BUT… think for a moment… Ever think really clearly when you’re upset/angry/outraged/depressed? (Not likely) & it’s ok to have this opinion… I won’t say it’s wrong, but I will say this… I believe that’s not a judgement call for someone who isn’t in the shoes of the sufferer to make.
Those who stay aren’t here because they are strong, in fact most of us are still so very weak and want nothing more than to end the suffering… We’re here because there are people here who help us battle, who don’t give up on us and who understand that what happens in our heads isn’t for attention or because we’re selfish, it’s because we have NO control over how our brain perceives our reality.
These are MY thoughts on Mental health, suicide and depression. I do not condone suicide but I will never say someone was selfish if this is how they leave the world knowing they did suffer with depression/bi-polar etc and didn’t have the support they needed to succeed in remaining with their loved ones. I’ve been on the other end, ready to say to hell with it all. I’m only here because of a few people who gave a damn, gave me the support and the tools to survive my own internal war. Did I chose to stay? No. I didn’t have that choice, I was dragged from the battle grounds, bleeding and hurt and patched up…
By my best friend Shelley who knew I was hurting because she saw potential in me, she gave me a rope, not in which to hang myself but in order to help me out of the hole I was in. By Robin who didn’t know me from a hole in the ground but saw a kindred spirit like his own and knew I needed something to keep battling, and he helped me in my war as well. Giving me strength and dragging me from the depths of despair.
Why? Why did they do this? So I could battle another day, and MAYBE, just maybe I would help someone else who needed it to.