An open letter to my Ex:
She’s an amazing little creature you know. So beautiful. She looks like my aunt. She has beautiful blue/green eyes and the smarts of a typical 8 year old; even though she’s 3. You really ought to meet her. She asks about you. Here, have a pic of her. 🙂 there’s more in my facebook if you want them. Go look.
My daughters father, he’s a nice guy… (NO it’s true he really is… He’d give you the shirt off his back…) BUT he’s a bit of a whiney ass as well… and he’s going on 3 years (as of June 7th 2012) of not seeing his daughter.
(I’m sorry I can’t call him her “Dad” because he’s not here to be one… )
No support of any kind. it sucks….. FOR HER. I really don’t care about the financial part of it. I don’t give a flying rats ass about that; that’s not important I can take care of our daughter on my own, but it’s really sad when there’s more “deadbeat” dads out there than there are considerate ones. He sees his other daughter from his 1st marriage… He visits her lots. He even pays support to his ex for her. He does NOTHING for his youngest. It’s not fair to HER. (But then again I’ve heard he denies she’s his anyway so it doesn’t surprise me… which is REALLY sad, but not something I tell her… but she will learn when she’s older if this is true. I PRAY it isn’t.)
I asked for help, since I know my ex doesn’t work on board (he’s an under the table kinda guy) through the courts. The family courts seen his lack of participation in the last 2+ years as “Abandonment” He wasn’t and is not stopped from seeing her. (I proved this to the courts as well back in June of 2014) He has no legal recourse or say anymore due to his lack of parenting and abandonment, I now have sole custody, but I won’t stop him if he wants to see her.
He was asked to take a parenting course because the care around his littlest one was very overwhelming to him. I knew this and made this suggestion to HELP him. He saw it as an attack on his person. He refused when we were together and he refused to even acknowledge his daughter and I existed when I tried to contact him VIA my Family SOS worker (a parental support worker) who was with me when I e-mailed him. So I offered him supervised visits because of this refusal or lack of willingness to co-operate, and he’s still not acknowledged that he’s been contacted (I have viable proof through the courts and my own lawyer has contacted him several times AND his mom) I can’t leave her in his care if he can’t change her if she has an accident. He works nights and I don’t need him falling asleep while she’s in his care and I REFUSE to have her dumped on another woman to look after her for him. She’s HIS not some other woman’s responsibility. I want HIM to get to know her. She NEEDS to know she’s valued by him to, but this won’t happen if he won’t co-operate or If he still feels the need to keep blaming me for his not seeing her.
When her 1st birthday came… his mom sent gifts… to my lawyers office with MY last name on the cards for our daughter who has her fathers last name… and she KNEW it.
I was very disappointed. Far as I am concern this was an intentional insult. My daughters grandmother knows better than that but still decided to be rude about the whole thing.
Thanks for the dresses “A” she loved them. I told her they were from her father, NOT you.
You know who you are… so… suck up your damn pride, stop being foolish. She wants to know you. You SHOULD know her. Get your head out of your ass… stop listening to the stories others tell you. The bullshit flows thick and you’re getting swept away in it all.
I KNOW you’re smarter than this & I know you are WAY better to. I KNOW you’re a good guy even if you have your faults, we all do no one is freaking perfect you know…
Our daughter is an amazing little girl and she asks about you all the time. I do my DAMNDEST to tell her you are around and just too busy to come see her. I EVEN have our family pic up by our bed so she can see you dammit. She even asked on Friday evening as she looked at your picture. “Doesn’t he like me?” Do you know how HARD it was for me to tell her through the tears .. “YES, I’m sure he does buttercup.” DO YOU!!?? I bet you don’t… it broke my heart… thinking about how selfish you are to her… that your pride is worth more than she is because you know the lies are catching up to you. Make some damn effort in your life for once instead of always blaming your problems on someone else or running to your mom.
My cell number hasn’t ever changed (even though you’ve had your friends call and prank me with some NASTY shit) it’s still there… CALL if you want to see her, I don’t need her thinking half of her is “Wrong or bad” because you refuse to acknowledge that she exists.
She is damn perfect and it’s too bad you can’t see that because you have this idea that I’m going to sit here and belittle you… you do that well enough to yourself ALL ON YOUR OWN! You sure the hell don’t need my help.
This is your LAST chance… after this blog message… I won’t bother to reach out again.
YES my lawyer will be made aware. This IS recorded after all. So do yourself a favor…
(You have till the end of February)
Heed my words (and your ex’s for that matter) that you’ve heard time and time again…
BE A DAD!
PS: To those who read this… I will update to say if he actually contacted us or not… (He’s on my mailing list in here so I KNOW he will see it) Please refrain from slamming him.
Yes he’s being a “dead beat” but I’m trying to give him a chance to rectify this. He’s not a bad guy… just… lacking the will to do the right thing.
Below is the poem I wrote for our daughter based on her viewpoint after she pointed to someone on the bus and said “Daddy”… He looked SO much like her father so she remembers his face, be it from her pictures or memory. At least I TRY to make sure she knows who he is! She smiled but then frowned when this man smiled back and said “No Honey I’m not your daddy.” It broke my heart cause then she cried and crawled into my lap and hid her face.
You should have been there. – a poem from the point of a child.
You left one day back in June without out so much as a good-bye.
You passed on judgement of my mom and hurt her with your lies.
I was only ten months old and had just learned to walk.
I’d be saying how much you hurt me if only I could talk.
The stories you tell people to make yourself look so big,
are only one more splinter in my soul and deeper they dig.
You will regret your actions, the lies that had been told,
for there will never again be a day my heart you will hold.
I’m only little and growing fast, my learning new and the world so vast.
Soon the questions will come out “Why isn’t daddy here?” is what I’ll ask.
Mommy will hold me and tell me that Daddy loved me but chose to go away.
I will wonder for years to come, how come Mommy couldn’t make him stay?
In time I will learn from friends and family the awful truth that I was sheltered from.
That my dad didn’t want me and he ran away from my brother, me and my mom.
I will learn the stories he told to hurt my mom’s heart because he was so mad.
But what will be the worse thing is that he never took the time to really be my dad.
So as I grow I will guided to be the best I can be, you’re missing out on special days.
Milestones that I have mastered. I will conquer my world and learn new ways,
to look at life because I have a mom who truly loves me and really cared.
Too bad you didn’t daddy… You know; you really should have been there!
Written by: S. White Sept 2012.