Well tomorrow marks another year where I get to be “Daddy” to my kids. The same life they lead in a single parent home is the same I had growing up too. A child, who’s male protector, guide and soul example on what a true gentleman is suppose to be… One that never existed at least not for me. (not even within my mom) So I try my best to do my best for my kiddos so they know that even though we don’t have a dad here yet, I’m willing to do the wonderful job two parents usually do. Why, because I love them! ❤
Sadly as a child, my father was a monster. One I was quite scared of. One who taught me that there is no such thing as “gentle”. He had a harsh way of discipline, and it was brutal.
This monster was one who got father’s day cards I was forced to make in school, but he truly never earned a single one. I can honestly say I loathe this man and that I’m broken inside, scared because of him. I still cringe in shame, fear and self hate on how he treated my mom, my siblings and I.
BUT… I don’t hide within those scars. Nope.
As much as I hate the concept that I have a father I understand that this man isn’t my “REAL” DAD.
My dad, Papa is the foster parent who raised me. William Smith. A tall, large, quiet man who had more patients than any man I know. A god given talent to make you fear him but not because you knew you’d be hurt but because you knew just how damn disappointed he was going to be in what you’d done. A man who listened more than he spoke. (He always said our mother did enough speaking for the both of them LOL) A man who taught me it WAS possible to trust again… My foster dad Willie is the reason why I learned to even trust guys at all. Without him being there as I grew up (as a young teen stuck in the foster system) I think I’d have self destructed long ago. He taught me skills I still carry to me this very day. He gave me wise words to follow. He showed me compassion when I screwed up and he did the job that even my own biological parents just couldn’t do, and even though I’m a single parent myself and we continue with our lives without a father in my own children’s lives that someday there will be someone willing to do what my foster dad did for me.
To my Papa Willie… I love you! Happy Father’s day and thanks for ALL that you did for me, even if you never said much! Your actions, patients and compassion meant more to me than you will ever know. I miss you lots. ❤
To the man of the future who takes on the wonderful job of teaching my kids that there is someone out there who will love them like a dad should, teach them how to value their partner, and how to be a good example. Happy father’s day to you too. It’s not an easy job but at least someone was up to it!